holey cheese

Remember me? Little Red Fergal from Pets Lifeline. I was born in a Cheese Factory. Along with my Brothers and Sisters I was taken to Pets Life Line in Keswick Cumbria, to be looked after by Auntie Joyce. When I was about six weeks old I was adopted and I came to live in Seaville.

I think the fact that I was born in a cheese factory must have affected me, because I just love talking about and eating cheese. I have made quite a name for myself, and consider myself a real 'connoicat' when it comes to cheeses!

I am always talking cheese to Barnum (another cat from Auntie Joyce).
I think he loves my stories, but he always pretends to be asleep so as not to tire me out!!

I was shopping last week, and
buying my favourite food (outside of fish that is) cheese. I was most upset to see several cheeses with holes in them.

I asked the man at the counter what the problem with these cheeses was? He said they were 'continental' and that was how they were sold. I was having none of that. I looked him in the eye - well more in the lower leg, he was taller then me. "I know exactly what the problem is", I told him. "Mice"

He stepped back a fraction. "Excuse me", he said, "We do not have any mice in this shop". "No, not here".
I said, "Mice in the factory. It's all this European legislation coming out of Brussels. They have got rid of all the cats from the cheese factories. I was born in a cheese factory. We never had any holey cheese. The mice are running wild, and nibbling the cheese before it reaches the shops."

"You cannot sell cheese with holes in", I told him. "What are you thinking of. You will get the cheese and us cats a really bad name".

The cheese manager (or whatever his job title was) came towards me with menace in his eyes. "You!" he shouted. "This is Dutch cheese. It is made with holes in it. The Dutch people like it like that.

"Agh", I purred back. "Is that why they speak Double Dutch, because they get their tongue stuck in the holes?"

I have to say what happened next is a blur. Only to say, that I was finding bits of that holey cheese for weeks after in my coat.

Really. Some people just cannot take being corrected.

Well I have written to Brussels and all those EU Ministers and told them to get cats back in the cheese factories....

I am off to give a talk to the WI.

Keep up the good work all you mice catchers.